Fight Menopausal and Premenopausal Problems With Phytoestrogen

Menopause is the time at which a woman stops ovulating and menstruation ceases, which indicates the end of fertility. Menopause is not a disease, but rather a natural progression in life, similar to puberty. Many years before a woman stops ovulating, her ovaries will begin to slow their production of the hormones estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. Estrogen and progesterone are often thought of as the reproductive hormones.

Although estrogen is essential in reproduction, it is also extremely important in other non-reproductive organs and systems in the body. Cells in the uterus, bladder, breasts, skin, bones, arteries, heart, liver, and brain all contain estrogen receptors. These organs need this hormone in order to stimulate these receptors for normal cell function. Estrogen is needed to keep the skin smooth and moist and the body's internal thermostat working properly. Estrogen is also essential for proper bone formation. Even though estrogen levels drop sharply after menopause, they do not disappear entirely. Other organs take over for the ovaries, continuing to produce a less potent form of estrogen. These organs, known as endocrine glands, secrete some hormones from fatty tissue in order to maintain bodily functions.

Progesterone works along with estrogen, stimulating changes in the lining of the uterus to complete the preparation for a fertilized egg during the second half of the menstrual cycle. If no egg is fertilized, the uterine lining is broken down and expelled, allowing the cycle to being again. Progesterone also has effects beyond the reproductive system, as it calms the brain and also affects other aspects of nervous system function. Testosterone is most important for both men and women, with women producing about 80 percent less than men do. However, it is the driving force for maintaining a healthy life and proper functioning organs.

The period when a woman's body is preparing for menopause is known as perimenopause. For the majority of women, hormone production beings to slow down then they reach their thirties, continuing to diminish with age. Many women will experience few if any symptoms at this time, but others may suffer from anxiety, dry skin, fatigue, feelings of bloating, headaches, heart palpitations, hot flashes, insomnia, irritability, decreased interest in their significant other, loss of concentration, mood swings, night sweats, reduced stamina, urinary incontinence, uterine dryness and itching, weight gain, cold hands and feet, joint pain, hair loss, and/or skin changes.

Menopause occurs when a woman stops menstruating altogether. At this point, most of the acute problems a woman may have experienced are actually over and a new balance between all hormones should be established. However, women become increasingly vulnerable to other, potentially serious health problems at this time. Over the long term, the diminished supply of estrogen increased the likelihood of cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, and uterine atrophy. Osteoporosis especially is a major problem for women after menopause, with an estimated 80 percent of the hip fractures that occur in the United States every year being due to osteoporosis.

A proper diet, nutritional supplements, and exercise can help to minimize or eliminate most of the unpleasant side effects of menopause. The following nutrients are recommended for dealing with this stage of life: beta-1, cerasomal, coenzyme Q10, DHEA, essential fatty acids, lecithin granules, a multi-enzyme complex, soy protein, vitamin B complex, vitamin D3, vitamin E, boron, calcium, magnesium, quercetin, silica, zinc, l-arginine, multiglandular complex, a multivitamin and mineral complex, vitamin C, aloe vera gel, slippery elm, damiana, amaranth, chickweed, dandelion greens, nettle, seaweed, watercress, anise, black cohosh, fennel, licorice, raspberry, sage, unicorn root, wild yam root, hops, valerian root, gotu kola, red clover, dong quai, St. John's wort, and Siberian ginseng.

All these above listed vitamins and herbs are available in capsule, tablet, or powder forms. When looking for natural alternatives to help replace estrogen naturally, look to your local or internet health food store for name brand products that can help restore an imbalance over time.

Abortion Effect - Major or Minor

Abortion means murder of an unborn child. Most of the time women get pregnant due to adult enjoyment. In modern science various other options are available for abortion, but most of the time it has some harmful side effects.

• Abortion is banned in many countries, so there is a strong possibility that it can be performed by an unprofessional person.
• Abortion is such a complex process which can destroy the mental & physical functions at the end of the pregnancy.
• It can change the normal functions of ovum or uterus. Dangerous diseases like syphilis, tuberculosis can occur because of several drug uses.

Minor effects of abortion are:

• Damage of organs, Scarring of the uterine lining, Diarrhea, hemorrhage etc.
• Abortion increase the risk of infertility or even breast cancer.
• Infection, damage to the cervix, uterus damage, cervical injuries etc.

Few warnings when you need to consult a doctor:

• When you suffer acute abdominal pain, high fever, foul smelling-discharge from the vagina, breast tenderness, heavy period etc.
• Possibility of Psychological effects after abortion. Like guilty feelings, depression, excessive anger, committing suicide.

BREASTFEEDING BUILDS BRIGHTER BRAINS

We can't promise that breastfeeding will make your child a Nobel Prize winner, but research shows that babies who are breastfed are smarter when they get older.

• Children who were breastfed have I.Q. scores averaging seven to ten points higher than formula-fed infants. It's important to remember that these numbers represent averages for hundreds of children, not the effect of breastfeeding on a specific individual. So, if you want to raise the intelligence level of an entire generation of children, breastfeeding would be a simple and cost-effective way to do it.
• Studies have shown that children who are breastfed get higher grades in school, even after other influences on school performance are taken into account.
• The intellectual advantage gained from breastfeeding is greater the longer the baby is breastfed.

Although intellectual differences between breastfed and formula-fed children used to be attributed to the increased holding and interaction associated with breastfeeding and to the fact that mothers who breastfed were better educated and/or more child-centered, new evidence shows that there are nutrients in breastmilk that enhance brain growth.

Smarter fats. One key ingredient in breastmilk is a brain-boosting fat called DHA (docasahexaenoic acid), an omega-3 fatty acid. DHA is a vital nutrient for growth, development, and maintenance of brain tissue. Autopsy analysis of brain tissue from breastfed and formula-fed infants shows that the brains of breastfed babies have a higher concentration of DHA, and DHA levels are highest in babies who are breastfed the longest. Infant formulas made in the United States do not contain DHA.

Nutritip. To insure that babies get enough nutrients for their growing brains, it's important that breastfeeding mothers get enough DHA in their diets. Rich sources of DHA are fish (particularly salmon and tuna). Increases DHA will will benefit mom's health, too. Remember the nutritional rule of F's: four ounces of fish a day keeps central nervous system degeneration at bay.

Cholesterol. Another fat needed for optimal brain development. Breastmilk contains a lot of cholesterol, while infant formulas currently contain none. "Low in cholesterol" may be good news for adult diets, but not for babies--cholesterol provides basic components for manufacturing nerve tissue in the growing brain.

DHA, cholesterol, and other breastmilk fats provide the right substances for manufacturing myelin, the fatty sheath that surrounds nerve fibers. Myelin acts as insulation, making it possible for nerves to carry information from one part of the brain or body to another. So important are these brain-building fats, that if mother's diet doesn't provide enough of them for her milk, the breasts can make them on the spot.

Smarter sugars. Lactose is the main sugar in breastmilk. The body breaks it down into two simpler sugars - glucose and galactose. Galactose is a valuable nutrient for brain tissue development. Anthropologists have demonstrated that the more intelligent species of mammals have greater amounts of lactose in their milk, and human milk contains one of the highest concentrations of lactose of any mammal milk. Cow milk and some cow milk formulas contain lactose, but not as much as human milk. Soy-based and other lactose-free formulas contain no lactose at all, only table sugar and corn syrup.

Smarter connections. During the first two years of your baby's life, the brain grows rapidly, and baby's everyday experiences shapes brain growth. Brains cells, called neurons, multiply and connect with each other until the brain circuitry resembles miles of tangled electrical wires. Every time a baby interacts with her environment, her brain makes a new connection. Because breastmilk is digested faster, breastfed babies feed more often and therefore probably interact with their caregivers more often. Breastfeeding itself, with its skin-to-skin contact, the variations in milk flow, and the closeness between mother and baby, is usually a more interesting, more interactive experience than bottle-feeding. This is nature's way of insuring that babies get the stimulation they need for optimal brain development.

HOW HUMAN MILK PROTECTS FROM ILLNESS

Human milk is more than food. It's a complex living substance, like blood, with a long list of active germ-fighting and health-promoting ingredients. These help protect babies against all kinds of infections, common and not-so-common.

A drop of breastmilk contains around one million white blood cells. These cells, called macrophages ("big eaters"), gobble up germs. Breastmilk is also power-packed with immunoglobulin A (IgA), which coats the lining of babies' immature intestines, preventing germs from leaking through. Secretory IgA also works to prevent food allergies. By coating the intestinal lining like a protective paint, it prevents molecules of foreign foods from getting into the bloodstream to set up an allergic reaction.

Colostrum, the milk mothers produce in the first few days after birth, is especially rich in IgA, just at the time when the newborn is first exposed to the outside world and needs protection from germs and foreign substances entering his body. Colostrum also contains higher amounts of white blood cells and infection-fighting substances than mature milk. Think of colostrum as your baby's first important immunization.

As babies grow, mother's milk continues to provide important protection against infection and disease. Human infants receive antibodies through the placenta, but these are gradually used up during the first six months. Human milk fills in the immunity gap until baby's own immune system matures and kicks in. Even babies who continue to nurse into toddlerhood benefit from the many immune factors in their mother's milk.

Immunities made-to-order. Each mother provides custom-designed milk to protect her infant. When a baby is exposed to a new germ, mother's body manufactures antibodies to that germ. These antibodies show up in her milk and are passed along to her baby. Many a nursing mother can tell the story of the entire family--dad, mom, siblings--coming down with the flu and the nursing baby having the mildest case, or not getting sick at all. When mother comes down with a bug, the best thing she can do for her baby is to keep breastfeeding.

BREASTFED BABIES ARE HEALTHIER

Derrick and Patrice Jelliffe, pioneers in breastfeeding research, stated that breastfed infants are "biochemically different." This difference in body chemistry may be the reason they are healthier. While babies are breastfeeding, they have fewer and less serious respiratory infections, less diarrhea, and less vomiting. When breastfed babies do become ill, they are less likely to become dehydrated and need hospitalization.

Here are some specific ways in which breastfeeding protects babies from illness:

• Friendly to little ears. Ear infections are a childhood nuisance, often following on the heels of stuffy noses and colds. The middle ear fills with fluid, and eventually that fluid becomes infected, causing pain, especially in the middle of the night. Repeated ear infections, or those that go untreated, can lead to hearing loss. This is an important concern in young children, since hearing difficulties can interfere with language, and language problems can later affect reading skills.

  Breastfeeding protects against ear infections in four possible ways:

  1. The many germ-fighting ingredients in human milk keep harmful bacteria from bothering baby, so that stuffed-up noses and ears are less likely to become infected middle ears.
  2. Because breastfed babies are fed in a more upright position, they're less likely to experience milk backing up through the eustachian tube into their ears; if this does happen during a breastfeeding session, human milk is less irritating to the tissues of the middle ear than infant formula.
  3. Breastfed babies have fewer, or at least less severe, colds than formula-fed babies. Fewer colds means fewer ear infections.
  4. Breastfed babies have fewer respiratory allergies, another cause of fluid building up in the middle ear, which setts the stage for bacteria to grow.
• Protects tiny tummies. Human milk excels at protecting babies from diarrhea and tummy upsets. This is important not only for individual babies but also on a global scale. Diarrhea is a leading cause of infant mortality worldwide, and breastfeeding is the simplest, most cost- effective way to protect babies from repeated bouts of gastrointestinal illness.

  Another way in which breastfeeding protects tiny tummies is by promoting the growth of healthful bacteria in the intestines. Intestines are healthiest when you can keep the right "bugs" in the bowels. The healthful bacteria, known as bifidus bacteria, do good things for the body in return for a warm place to live. They manufacture vitamins and nutrients and keep the harmful bacteria in check. The high levels of lactose in breastmilk particularly encourage the growth of the healthful resident bacteria Lactobacillus bifidus.

• Protects against other infection. Studies have found that breastfeeding protects against a wide variety of other diseases. Here's a partial list:
  • Haemophilus influenzae type B
  • Pneumonia caused by Streptococcus pneumoniae
  • Meningitis
  • Infant botulism
  • Urinary tract infections
  • Cholera
  • Salmonella
  • E. coli infections
  • Respiratory syncytial virus
• Reduces risk of SIDS. Many parents are relieved to learn that breastfed babies are less likely to become victims of SIDS. There are many ways in which breastfeeding could influence the incidence of SIDS. One recent theory suggests that infants who die of SIDS may sleep too deeply and fail to awaken if they stop breathing for a moment or two, as babies often do when they're sleeping. Breastfed babies sleep less deeply and thus may be more likely to wake up if there is a problem with their breathing. Breastfeeding's protection against infection may also help to lower the SIDS risk. (See Breastfeeding and SIDS)
• Fewer problems with reflux. While all babies spit up a bit, some regurgitate excessive amounts of milk, because of a condition called gastroesophageal reflux (GER). Normally, the circular band of muscle where the esophagus joins the stomach acts like a one-way valve, keeping milk, food, and stomach acids from backing up into the esophagus when the stomach contracts. When it doesn't do its job and these acids enter the esophagus, the result is an irritation that adults would call heartburn. In many infants, it takes six months to a year for this muscle to mature enough to prevent this regurgitation or reflux. GER is less of a problem in breastfed infants because breastmilk is emptied twice as fast from the stomach. It's less likely to be regurgitated than slow-to-digest formula with its tough casein curds.

HOW THE BREASTS MAKE AND DELIVER MILK

• The lactation system inside your breasts resemble a tree. The milk glands (the leaves) are grapelike clusters of cells high up in the breast that make milk. Milk travels from these glands down through the milk ducts (the branches). These ducts then widen beneath the areola (the dark area surrounding the nipple), forming milk sinuses (the tree trunk), which then empties into the approximately twenty openings in your nipple (like the channels going down to the roots of the tree). These milk sinuses are located beneath your areola.
• To empty these milk sinuses effectively, your baby's gums must be positioned over them so that baby's jaws compress the sinuses where the milk is pooled. If baby sucks only on your nipple, only a little milk will be drawn out, and your nipple will be irritated unnecessarily. Remember the golden rule of effective latch-on: Babies suck on areolas, not nipples. Baby must have enough of your areolas in her mouth to get the milk out.
• Your baby's sucking stimulates nerves in your nipple that send messages to the pituitary gland in you brain to secrete the hormone prolactin. Prolactin surges encourage continued milk production, which goes on around the clock. As your baby continues sucking, the sensors in your nipple signal the pituitary gland to secrete another hormone, oxytocin. This hormone causes the elastic tissue around each of the many milk glands to contract, squeezing a large supply of milk through the milk ducts into the sinuses and out the nipple. This is called the milk ejection reflux , or MER. The milk may come out so fast that it leaks out the side of your baby's mouth. If you were pumping or expressing by hand, you would see the milk spray out in every direction.
• The first milk your baby receives at each feeding is the foremilk, which is thin like skim milk because of low fat content. As baby continues to suck, more oxytocin brings on phase two, squeezing out the later milk (called hindmilk), which is much higher in fat and slightly higher in protein and, therefore, helps baby gain weight and helps baby's tummy feel full. Consider this creamier hindmilk "grow milk."
• The more milk that is removed from your breasts, the more milk your body makes to replace it. Frequent removal of milk from your breasts by your baby or by a pump will sti9mulate your body to produce more milk. When your baby breastfeeds less, the body responds by cutting back on milk production. This supply and demand system is how mothers produce enough milk for twins or even triplets.

MOTHER'S MILK: IDEAL NUTRITION FOR HUMAN BABIES

Milk is milk, right? Mammals make it (humans are mammals) and babies drink it. There's more to the story than that. Each species of mammal makes a unique kind of milk, which meets all the nutritional requirements of its offspring at the beginning of life. Each species' milk has specific qualities that insure the survival of the young in a particular environment. This principle is known as the biological specificity of milk. Mother seals, for example, make a high-fat milk because baby seals need lots of body fat to survive in cold water. Since brain development is crucial to the survival of humans, human milk provides nutrients for rapid brain growth.

No matter what animal it comes from, milk contains the basic nutritional elements of fats, proteins, carbohydrates, vitamins, and minerals. Let's look at each one of these nutrients in human milk, comparing them to the same nutrients in formula or cow milk, so you can further appreciate how your milk is custom-made to meet the needs of your baby.

Unique nutrition for unique humans. As hormones levels change in the days after birth, the mother's body starts to make more plentiful amounts of milk. Colostrum gradually changes into mature milk--the stuff babies have been thriving on for thousands of years. Milk's basic ingredients are fat, proteins, lactose, vitamins, minerals, and water. This is true of milk from all kinds of mammals. Yet, the proportions of these ingredients differ, as do the kinds of protein and fat. This is what makes each species' milk uniquely suited to its young. It's also why cow's milk and cow's milk-based formulas are not the ideal food for human infants.

HIGH QUALITY PROTEIN

Protein is a prime example of how human milk is unique nutrition for human babies. Human milk is low in protein, at least when compared with the milk of other species, especially cow's milk. This isn't a nutritional deficiency; there are good reasons for this. Human infants are designed to grow slowly. While it's important for humans to develop strong bodies, even more important is brain development and the learning of social skills. The experiences that shape the brain come from close contact between mother and baby when baby is held and carried. If human infants doubled their birthweight in less than 50 days the way baby calves do, and then continued growing, how could their mothers carry them and talk to them and keep them close? Baby cows need to learn where to find the best grass in the meadow; baby humans need to learn how to work with others so that everyone's needs get met.

Though the protein content of human milk is generally low, the types of amino acids that make up these proteins are important. One particular amino acid, taurine, is found in large amounts in human milk. Studies show that taurine has an important role in the development of the brain and the eyes. The body can't convert other kinds of amino acids into taurine, so its presence in human milk is significant--so significant that some formula manufacturers have begun adding it to artificial baby milks.

If you let milk stand out of the refrigerator and sour, you will see that milk proteins fall into two categories, curds and whey. (Remember Miss Muffet?) The curd portion, the casein proteins, are the white clots; the liquid is the whey. Cow's milk is mostly casein protein, which forms a rubbery, hard-to-digest curd in babies' tummies. Human milk has more whey than curd, and the curds that are formed are softer and more quickly digested. Breastfed babies get hungry sooner than babies who are formula-fed because human milk proteins are digested so efficiently. It doesn't take as much energy to digest human milk as it does to digest formula. Frequent feedings also ensure that human babies get lots of attention from their mothers.

SELF-DIGESTING FATS

There's another reason why babies digest human milk so quickly: the fat in human milk comes with an enzyme, lipase, that breaks the fat down into smaller globules so this important nutrient can be better absorbed into the bloodstream. Fat is a valuable source of energy for babies, so the presence of lipase makes the fat in human milk more available. This is one of the reasons human milk is so good for premature babies, who need lots of energy to grow but whose digestive systems are very immature.

A changing nutrient for changing needs. The fat content of human milk changes constantly. Typically, fat levels are low at the beginning of a feeding and high at the end. Babies nurse eagerly to get the low-fat, thirst-quenching foremilk, then slow down and linger over the high-fat dessert at the end of their meal. Babies who nurse again soon after the end of the last feeding get more high-fat milk, so babies who breastfeed more frequently during a growth spurt get more calories. Longer intervals between feedings bring down the fat content of the milk stored in the breast. This nutritional fact of human milk is one of the many reasons why the rigid 3 to 4 hour scheduled style of feeding is biologically incorrect.

Smarter fats. The special kind of fat in human milk is important to brain development. As newborn babies grow, the nerves are covered with a substance called myelin which helps the nerves transmit messages to other nerves throughout the brain and body. To develop high-quality myelin, the body needs certain types of fatty acids--linoleic and linolenic--which are found in large amounts in human milk.

VITAMINS AND MINERALS

The vitamins and minerals listed on the formula can are no match for those in the milk made by mom, even if milligram by milligram comparisions suggest otherwise. When formula researchers want to know how much of a particular vitamin or mineral babies need each day, they look first at how much of that nutrient is present in human milk and how much milk a baby of a given age takes in a day. But just doing the math doesn't tell the whole story. More important than the amounts of nutrients in the milk is the amount that is available for the infant to use, a nutrient principle called bioavailability. The bioavailability of a nutrient is influenced by many factors, including its chemical form and the presence of other substances.

The three important minerals calcium, phosphorus, and iron are present in breastmilk at lower levels than in formula, but in breastmilk these minerals are present in forms that have high bioavailability. For example, 50 to 75 percent of the iron in breastmilk is absorbed by the baby. With formula, as little as four percent of the iron is absorbed into baby's bloodstream. To make up for the low bioavailability of factory-added vitamins and minerals, formula manufactures raise the concentrations. Sounds reasonable, right? If only half gets absorbed by the body, put twice as much into the can. Yet, this nutrient manipulation may have a metabolic price.

Baby's immature intestines are required to dispose of the excess. Meanwhile, the excess unabsorbed minerals (especially iron) can upset the "ecology of the gut," interfering with the growth of healthful bacteria and allowing harmful bacteria to flourish. This is another reason formula-fed infants have harder, more unpleasant smelling stools.

To enhance the bioavailability of nutrients, breastmilk contains facilitators - substances that enhance the absorption of other nutrients. For example, vitamin C in human milk increases the absorption of iron. Zinc absorption is also enhanced by other factors in human milk. In an interesting experiment, researchers added equal amounts of iron and zinc to samples of human milk, formula, and cow'd milk, and fed them to adult volunteers. More of the nutrients in the human-milk sample got into the bloodstream compared to the formula and cow's milk. In essence, breastmilk puts nutrients where they belong - in baby's blood, not in baby's bowels.

HORMONES AND ENZYMES

Every year medical journal articles describe more valuable substances discovered in human milk. Scientists are only beginning to write the story on other factors in human milk that may be important to baby's growth and development. For example, other enzymes besides lipase are available to aid infant digestion. Epidermal growth factor, present in human milk in significant amounts, may promote the development of tissues in the digestive tract and elsewhere. Other hormones in milk may influence a baby's metabolism, growth, and physiology. The effects may be subtle, but they may also have far-reaching implications. Being breastfed has advantages that reach into adulthood. Science is only beginning to learn what these benefits are.

COMPARISON OF HUMAN MILK AND FORMULA

NUTRIENT FACTOR	BREAST MILK CONTAINS	FORMULA CONTAINS	COMMENT
Fats	Rich in brain-building omega 3s, namely DHA and AA -Automatically adjusts to infant's needs; levels decline as baby gets older -Rich in cholesterol -Nearly completely absorbed -Contains fat-digesting enzyme, lipase	-No DHA -Doesn't adjust to infant's needs -No cholesterol -Not completely absorbed -No lipase	Fat is the most important nutrient in breastmilk; the absence of cholesterol and DHA, vital nutrients for growing brains and bodies, may predispose a child to adult heart and central nervous system diseases. Leftover, unabsorbed fat accounts for unpleasant smelling stools in formula-fed babies.
Protein	-Soft, easily-digestible whey -More completely absorbed; higher in the milk of mothers who deliver preterm -Lactoferrin for intestinal health -Lysozyme, an antimicrobial -Rich in brain-and-body- building protein components -Rich in growth factors -Contains sleep-inducing proteins	-Harder-to-digest casein curds -Not completely absorbed, more waste, harder on kidneys -No lactoferrin, or only a trace -No lysozyme -Deficient or low in some brain-and body-building proteins -Deficient in growth factors -Does not contain as many sleep-inducing proteins.	Infants aren't allergic to human milk protein.
Carbohdrates	-Rich in lactose -Rich in oligosaccharides, which promote intestinal health	-No lactose in some formulas -Deficient in oligosaccharides	Lactose is considered an important carbohydrate for brain development. Studies show the level of lactose in the milk of a species correlates with the size of the brain of that species.
Immune Boosters	-Rich in living white blood cells, millions per feeding -Rich in immunoglobulins	-No live white blood cells-or any other cells. Dead food has less immunological benefit. -Few immunoglobulins and most are the wrong kind	When mother is exposed to a germ, she makes antibodies to that germ and gives these antibodies to her infant via her milk.
Vitamins and Minerals	-Better absorbed, especially iron, zinc, and calcium -Iron is 50 to 75 percent absorbed. -Contains more selenium (an antioxidant)	-Not absorbed as well -Iron is 5 to 10 percent absorbed -Contains less selenium (an antioxidant)	Vitamins and minerals in breast milk enjoy a higher bioavailability-that is, a greater percentage is absorbed. To compensate, more is added to formula, which makes it harder to digest.
Enzymes and Hormones	-Rich in digestive enzymes, such as lipase and amylase -Rich in many hormones: thyroid, prolactin, oxytocin, and more than fifteen others -Varies with mother's diet	-Processing kills digestive enzymes -Processing kills hormones, which are not human to begin with -Always tastes the same	Digestive enzymes promote intestinal health. Hormones contribute to the overall biochemical balance and well- being of baby. By taking on the flavor of mother's diet, breastmilk shapes the tastes of the child to family foods.
Cost	-Around $600 a year in extra food for mother	-Around $1,200 a year -Up to $2,500 a year for hypoallergenic formulas -Cost for bottles and other supplies -Lost income when baby is ill

7 WAYS BREASTFEEDING BENEFITS MOTHERS

What's good for baby is also good for mother. When mothers follow nature's lead and breastfeed their babies, their own bodies benefit--so do their budgets!

1. Reduces the risk of breast cancer. Women who breastfeed reduce their risk of developing breast cancer by as much as 25 percent. The reduction in cancer risk comes in proportion to the cumulative lifetime duration of breastfeeding. That is, the more months or years a mother breastfeeds, the lower her risk of breast cancer.
2. Reduces the risk of uterine and ovarian cancer. One of the reasons for the cancer-fighting effects of breastfeeding is that estrogen levels are lower during lactation. It is thought that the less estrogen available to stimulate the lining of the uterus and perhaps breast tissue also, the less the risk of these tissues becoming cancerous.
3. Lessens osteoporosis. Non-breastfeeding women have a four times greater chance of developing osteoporosis than breastfeeding women and are more likely to suffer from hip fractures in the post-menopausal years.
4. Benefits child spacing. Since breastfeeding delays ovulation, the longer a mother breastfeeds the more she is able to practice natural childspacing, if she desires. How long a woman remains infertile depends on her baby's nursing pattern and her own individual baby.
5. Promotes emotional health. Not only is breastfeeding good for mother's body, it's good for her mind. Studies show that breastfeeding mothers show less postpartum anxiety and depression than do formula-feeding mothers.
6. Promotes postpartum weight loss. Breastfeeding mothers showed significantly larger reductions in hip circumference and more fat loss by one month postpartum when compared with formula-feeding moms. Breastfeeding mothers tend to have an earlier return to their pre-pregnant weight.
7. Costs less to breastfeed. It costs around $1,200 a year to formula-feed your baby. Even taking into consideration the slight increase in food costs to a breastfeeding mother, the American Academy of Pediatrics estimates that a breastfeeding mother will save around $400 during the first year of breastfeeding.

11 WAYS TO SOOTHE A FUSSY BABY

Babies fuss and parents comfort. That's a realistic fact of new family life. It helps to understand what calms a baby and why. Most calming techniques involve at least one of these four interactions:

• Rhythmic motion
• Soothing sounds
• Visual delights and distractions
• Close physical contact and touching

Calming techniques (except visual ones) are like re-inventing the womb that baby has been used to for nine months. Here are baby-calming techniques that we have found worked with our own fussy babies, and that we have been able to glean from experienced baby-calmers in our pediatric practice. Remember that your baby has individual needs. Try these techniques as a starting point and improvise. After a few months, you and your baby will have a large repertoire of fuss- busters that work.

8 MOTIONS THAT MELLOW

1. WEARING BABY IN A SLING

A baby carrier will be your most useful fuss- preventing tool. Infant development researchers who study babycare practices in America and other cultures are unanimous in reporting: infants who are carried more cry less. In fact, research has shown that babies who are carried at least three hours a day cry forty percent less than infants who aren't carried as much. Over the years in pediatric practice, I have listened and watched veteran baby-calmers and heard a recurrent theme: "As long as I have my baby in my arms or on my body she's content." This observation led us to popularize the term "babywearing." "Wearing" means more than just picking up baby and putting him in a carrier when he fusses. It means carrying baby many hours a day before baby needs to fuss. This means the carrier you choose must be easy to use and versatile. (We have found the sling-type carrier to be the most conducive to babywearing. Baby becomes like part of your apparel, and you can easily wear your baby in a sling at least several hours a day.) Mothers who do this tell us: "My baby seems to forget to fuss." The sling is not only helpful for high-need babies it's essential. Here's why babywearing works:

The outside womb. Being nestled in the arms, against the chest, and near the parent's face gives baby the most soothing of all environments. Mother's walking motion "reminds" baby of the rhythm he enjoyed while in the womb. The sling encircles and contains the infant who would otherwise waste energy flinging his arms and legs around, randomly attempting to settle himself. The worn baby is only a breath away from his parent's voice, the familiar sound he has grown to associate with feeling good. Babies settle better in this "live" environment than they do when parked in swings or plastic infant seats.

Sights aplenty. Being up in arms gives baby a visual advantage. He now can have a wider view of his world. Up near adult eye level, there are more visual attractions to distract baby from fussing. The distressed infant can now pick from a wide array of ever—changing scenery—select what delights him, and shut out what disturbs him. And seen from such a secure perch, even the disturbing sights soon become interesting rather than frightening.

Ins.eplay The expanding mind of a growing infant is like a video library containing thousands of tapes. These tapes record behavior patterns that baby has learned to anticipate as either soothing or disturbing. Babywearing mothers tell us: "As soon as I put on the sling, my baby's face lights up with delight, and he stops fussing." The scene of mother putting on the sling triggers a replay in baby's mind of all the pleasant memories she's experienced in mother's arms, and she can anticipate the pleasant interaction that is soon to follow. She stops fussing. She's no longer bored.

SUCKING ON THE MOVE. Sometimes motion alone won't calm a frantic baby; she needs an additional relaxation inducer. Settle baby in a carrier and, while walking or dancing, offer baby the breast, bottle, or pacifier. Motion and sucking are a winning combination that settles even the most upset baby.

Makes life easier for parents. Not only is babywearing good for the infant, it's good for the mother as well. The carrier gives you a comforting tool that usually works. After baby gets used to being worn and you get used to wearing baby, you have more options and more mobility. You'll feel as though you've gained an extra pair of hands, especially around the house, and you can go more places. Baby is content, since "home" to a tiny baby is being with mom, even though mom may be in the middle of a busy shopping center or at a party full of adults.

A baby who fusses less is more fun to be with, and drains less energy from the parents. Infants and parents can then direct the energy they would have wasted on managing a fussy baby into growing and interacting. That's why carried babies thrive—as do their parents.

Familiarity breeds contentment. Living in a carrier keeps infants content because it keeps them in constant contact with the familiar sounds, touches, movements, and visual delights of the parents. Being nestled in a familiar position is especially calming for the baby who is easily distracted and falls apart at the first sight of a strange person or place. The worn baby is always surrounded by things he knows. From this secure homebase, the baby has less fear of the unfamiliar—and adjusts without a fuss.

Proximity fosters calmness. A baby who is worn is in mother's arms and literally right under her face. With this close proximity, mother can teach baby to cry "better." As soon as baby gives a hint that he is about to fuss, mother, because she is right there, can preempt the cry and keep it from escalating into an all-out fit. Being close to your baby helps you learn to read your baby's pre-cry signals so that you can intervene to meet baby's needs before he has to fuss. Baby in turn learns to be more at ease using non-crying modes of signaling since, during babywearing, he has learned that these signals receive an immediate nurturing response.

Babywearing and daycare. Carrie had a high- need baby who was content as long as he was in a sling, but she had to return to work when Evan was six-weeks-old. I wrote the following "prescription" to give to her daycare provider:

Rx. To keep Evan content: Wear him in the babysling at least three hours a day. -- William Sears, M.D.

How to wear your baby in a sling. Some mothers take to babywearing like a duck takes to water; others may initially find the sling awkward. Also, some babies at first have difficulty settling in the sling. Perhaps they find it too confining. For the best long-term results, get your baby used to being worn in the first week of life, so that she soon realizes that the sling is where she belongs. It takes some practice, but the sling will soon become your norm of infant care. Take lessons from veteran parents who have logged many miles wearing their babies in a sling in various carrying positions and in many circumstances. Find one of these experts to show you how to wear the sling so it's most comfortable for you and most settling for baby. Keep experimenting with various positions until you find one that works; the favorite position may change with baby's moods and motor development. Most high-need babies prefer to be carried in the forward-facing position.

For a busy parent of a fussy infant, a baby sling will be one of your most indispensable infant-care items. You won't get dressed without it.

Babywearing Story

"I thought for sure I would have a baby who slept through the night, in his crib, in his room, and that he would awake only to feed and to get his diaper changed. How naive! Jason knew what kind of parenting he needed right from the start. He was truly a fussy baby, and we nicknamed him "More." He screamed if I put him down even to get dressed. He seemed to nurse constantly, and he rarely slept. As long as he was in my arms or nestled on my husband's chest, he was content, happy, and alert. Any deviation from that was a disaster for everyone. A friend of mine recommended a baby sling so that I could have my hands free to do other things and so I wouldn't feel resentful of all the time a baby takes up. The sling was our savior! I loved carrying him, and it allowed me to get other things done. The sling ended the pass-the-baby-around sport that so many parents have accepted as just the way things are. There is no way Jason would have stood for being bounced around from person to person for an entire day. An added benefit of the sling was that he was able to nurse anywhere and everywhere while in the sling. We went everywhere with him—weddings, funerals, dinners, grocery shopping, doctor's visits and vacations. Christmas shopping with Jason in the sling was a breeze. I can't imagine how mothers maneuver strollers through the narrow aisles in most stores. Everywhere we went people remarked how wonderful my baby was. I always pointed out that since my child felt right and was getting his needs met, he really had no reason to be upset."

For instructions on how to use the sling, and more information on carrying babies, See

2. DANCING WITH YOUR BABY

It's only natural that movement calms fussy babies. Their whole uterine existence was a moving experience. Babies crave movement after birth because to them it is the norm. Being still disconcerts babies. They don't understand it and it frightens them. Movement relaxes them.

Watch a room full of veteran baby calmers and you will witness a wide variety of dance steps. Each parent has found the dance routine that best suits the mood of both partners, adult and infant. In fact, you can usually spot mothers of high-need babies in a crowd—even without their babies. They are the ones who are swaying back and forth all the time. A mother once told me that as she was standing at a party holding a glass of ginger ale, another mother came up and commented on the fact that she seemed to be teetering back and forth a bit. The observer concluded, "I know you haven't had too much to drink. You must have a baby!"

Our hobby as a couple is ballroom dancing, so this way of relaxing our babies, and us, came naturally. Baby calming by dancing is based on the physiologic principle called vestibular stimulation . There are three tiny balances located behind baby's ear called the vestibular system. These are set for three planes of movement: up and down, back and forth, and side to side. Dance steps that use all three of these movements stimulate the vestibular system best and are most likely to comfort baby. If babies could choreograph their own dance steps, the routines that contain movements in all three planes (up, down, side-to-side, back-and-forth) would be their favorites. (See and ).

3. SWINGING BABY

Walk past any playground, peer into any nursery and you'll see happy babies swinging contentedly. The regular swinging motion calms babies. To meet the high demands of fussy babies and frantic parents, infant-product manufacturers have introduced a variety of baby swings to the ever-growing market of baby-soothing devices. None of these synthetic substitutes work as well as the encircling arms, soft breasts and warm body of a parent, all of which remind baby of the womb. But let's face it, "wombs" wear out, and substitute arms are sometimes necessary to save a parent's sanity, or at least allow mother to take a shower.

Swings are particularly useful during happy hour , that stretch of time in the late afternoon to early evening when you're busy preparing or having dinner and babies are notoriously difficult. Try winding up your mechanical sub in order to wind down a fussy baby. The tick-tocking sound plus the monotonous motion will usually settle an upset baby. Some newer swings even oscillate in a circular motion rather than the traditional back and forth motion. It's best to borrow a swing or try one out on your baby at the store to avoid investing in something that your baby will shun. While some high-need babies won't settle for less than the highest tech swing (those that move in two planes, play lullabies, and have a plush seat), others will calm with a simpler swing that hangs from a door or porch frame. Some babies prefer these swings on ropes over the mechanical ones with their rigid supports; they like to sway in a circular motion rather than swinging from front to back. Some babies don't like any type of swing; perhaps they get dizzy. In that case, it's back to the human swing.

PARENT TIP

Mechanical swings are one of the most commonly recalled infant products. Be sure to buy an JPMA-approved swing. Beware of used swings or ones bought at second-hand stores that may not contain proper safety harnesses.

We warn parents against overusing mechanical swings. A high-need baby, if he doesn't reject the device outright, will tend to bond strongly to a swing if he's put in it routinely. It's especially important for the high-need baby to bond to people, rather things.

PARENT TIP

"My baby liked the trio of singing, slinging, and swinging. I would wear her facing out in the sling while swinging on a playground swing and singing to her."

4. FREEWAY FATHERING (or mothering!)

If you've tried several of the home-based tricks to settle baby and none have worked, take a ride. Place baby in a carseat and drive for at least twenty minutes, non-stop if you can. Then return home and carry the whole package (sleeping baby in the carseat) into your home.

I used freeway fathering at times to give Martha a much-needed baby break. Sometimes Martha and I would take a drive together for some couple communication time as our moving baby drifted off to sleep. Sometimes I would bring a pillow along, so after our baby fell asleep and we returned home, I would stretch out in the front seat for a bit of recharging.

"During one car ride my husband and I carried on an entire conversation to the tune of "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" so that our baby stayed happy and we could get some important communicating done."

5. STROLLING IN A CARRIAGE

For many modern mothers, wearing babies in carriers has replaced pushing them in carriages. Certainly babies would give two thumbs up to this improved mode of travel. While most babies settle better when worn than when wheeled, some high-need babies like a change of scenery and sometimes settle better in a carriage or stroller. Some infants shun the flimsy, hard, rough-riding collapsible strollers and prefer the old-fashioned, cushy, bouncy (expensive!) prams. That's typical of high-need children.

One day we were doing a video-shoot for the CD/ROM version of THE BABY BOOK. From my pediatric practice, I had gathered a group of parents and their babies as models for this weeklong project. (Bear in mind these were savvy parents and smart babies who had worked out a style of parenting that met everyone's needs.) The producers wanted to show a couple exercising together with their baby in a jogging stroller. The selective little creature that had been cast for this scene refused to go into the stroller. She looked up at her mother, peered at the strange stroller, and gave the photographers a look of "I'm no dummy. Why should I settle for that contraption when I can travel first-class on mom?" The cameramen got the point. They realized they'd have to put a plastic baby in the stroller if they really wanted that shot. Plastic in plastic. That made more sense.

Warning about babies sleeping in carriages. Carriages are designed to soothe babies and sometimes get them to sleep, but it is not safe to leave baby sleeping in a carriage unattended. Carriage mattresses are too plush, and carriages often hold blankets and fuzzy toys that may occlude baby's breathing. Many infants have been smothered while left sleeping unattended in baby carriages.

6. ROLLING BABY.

Kneel on the floor and drape baby tummy-down over a beach ball. Hold baby with one hand and slightly roll the ball from side to side.

7. WALKING WITH BABY.

One of the easiest baby—and parent—calmers is a simple walk. When our babies were fussy and obviously needed a change of scenery, I borrowed a motto from Knute Rockne, the famous Notre Dame football coach: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." I would nestle our baby in a sling and take a long walk, each time trying to vary the route and the attractions. We would walk past moving cars, moving people, trees, parks, children playing, up and down hills, around curvy paths, and oftentimes along the beach. Martha also enjoyed the walking routine. Sometimes we began the day with a baby walk, which seemed to start the day off better for both of us. Other times, when our babies were going through the stage when they fussed a lot around dinner time, we would take a walk around 5 o'clock, which sometimes mellowed them out enough that they would reward us by forgetting to fuss that evening. Besides calming fussy babies, long pleasant walks are good exercise for parents.

Get outdoors! We have always believed that if our babies were going to fuss they may as well fuss outside. Feeling housebound with a fussy baby is a double punishment that few parents can tolerate. This is especially true for those persistent p.m. fussers who need a half-hour to an hour each evening to blow off steam. In that case, they may as well have their evening blast amid a change of scenery for you.

Taking a walk is good therapy for a mother who is struggling with burnout . A mother who is having trouble managing her new life and who also has a high-need baby is at risk for serious post-partum depression or high levels of anxiety. This mother-baby pair needs to be out of the house, walking briskly for forty-five minutes to an hour in the morning and again after they have a nap. Mother may worry that she's away from the house and "not getting enough done," but remember, "home" to a baby is where mother is, and what she is doing is important. Walking will calm both mother and baby, and the exercise releases endorphins in the brain that soothe emotional and mental distress. Walking can help a new mother settle into a more balanced and peaceful life so that she can reflect balance and peace to her baby.

HAPPY HOUR
Many fussy or colicky babies seem to go to pieces in the late afternoon or early evening, just when your parental reserves are already drained. If your baby is a "p.m. fusser" around the same time each day, play "happy hour" before baby's colic hour occurs. Treat baby and yourself to a late afternoon nap. Upon awakening, go into a relaxing ritual, such as a twenty-minute baby massage, followed by a forty-minute walk carrying baby in a sling. With this before-colic ritual, baby is conditioned at the same time each day to expect an hour of comfort rather than an hour of pain.

8. COLIC CARRIES

Here are four time-tested holds for putting a tense baby in relaxed arms:

1. The arm drape (also called the football hold). Rest baby's head in the crook of your elbow; drape baby's stomach along your forearm and grasp the diaper area firmly. Your forearm will press against baby's tense abdomen. When baby's tense limbs dangle instead of stretch out, baby is beginning to relax. For variety, try reversing this position, with baby's cheek in the palm of your hand and her diaper area in the crook of your elbow.
2. Colic curls. Babies who tense their tummy and arch their back often settle in this position. Slide baby's back down your chest and encircle your arms under his bottom. Curl baby up, facing forward with his head and back resting against your chest. As an added gas reliever, try pumping baby's thighs in a bicycle motion. Or, try reversing the forward-facing position: baby's feet up against your chest as you hold him. In this position, you can maintain eye-to-eye contact with your baby.
3. The handstand (beginning around age four months). Let baby face forward with his back up against your chest as he stands on one of your hands. Lean slightly back to discourage baby from lunging forward and be ready to catch the lunger with the other hand in case he does. (You can press the other hand up against baby's abdomen if that warm pressure seems to help.) The combination of the visual attractions of facing forward plus the concentration needed for baby to maintain standing often cause baby to forget to fuss. The handstand also works well with baby resting against you chest-to-chest and his head peering over your shoulder; there's less chance of baby lurching forward out of your arms this way.
4. The neck nestle . Here's a high-touch baby calmer where dad shines. While walking, dancing, or lying with your baby on your chest, snuggle her head against the front of your neck and drape your chin over her head. Then hum or sing a low-pitched melody like "Old Man River" while swaying side to side. The vibration of your voice box and jaw against your baby's sensitive skull can often lull the tense baby right to sleep. Some of my most memorable moments are of holding my babies in the neck nestle position while singing the Sears family "Go to sleep" song: Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep my little baby. Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep my little girl.

For added comforting and sleep-inducing success, try the above holds while walking or dancing with your baby. Add soothing sounds and moving attractions, such as beaches, water running in the kitchen sink, or moving traffic.

9. 16 SOUNDS THAT SOOTHE

Along with motion, most babies are soothed by sounds, preferably ones that remind them of the womb. The most calming sounds are rhythmic, monotonous, low-pitched and humming in quality, with slowly rising crescendos and decrescendos, and a sound pattern that repeats at a rate of 60 to 70 pulses per minute. Infant product manufacturers have capitalized on research into soothing sounds by producing a variety of sleep-inducing sound makers that use "white noise"—a monotonous, repetitive sound involving all the frequencies audible to the human ear; this will lull an overloaded mind into sleep. However, you don't need to go out and buy a special tape or gadget to lull your baby to sleep. Here are some proven baby-calming favorites that you may have around the house.

1. A loudly ticking clock
2. Running or dripping water from a faucet or shower
3. The vacuum cleaner (wear baby in a sling while vacuuming). If baby likes the sound of the vacuum cleaner, you can save wear and tear on the machine by making a tape recording of the sound and playing the tape instead of running the vacuum. Some infants, however, get spooked at vacuum cleaner sounds.
4. Bathroom fan with light turned out
5. A fan or air conditioner
6. A metronome set at 60 beats per minute
7. Tape recordings of waterfalls or ocean waves
8. Place baby on floor in front of dishwasher.
9. Homemade lullabies : tape recordings of your own voice are especially helpful to soothe your baby when left in the care of a sub. Babies settle best with slowly rising and falling melodies with repetitive themes that gradually fade away. Pick a simple tune (for example, Frere Jacques) and make up simple words: Time for sleeping Time for sleeping Jason dear Jason dear Mommy's very tired Mommy's very tired Go to sleep Go to sleep.
   You can put Daddy in for Mommy's name in the next verse, or change another line in a small way. These variations can go on for a long time, and it takes no musical skill at all to create this kind of personal theme song for your baby.
10. Make a medley. Pick out songs on various tapes that baby likes (and you like) and using a duplicating tape recorder, make a tape containing a medley of favorite soothing tunes.
11. Music that mellows babies. While babies, like adults, have varied musical tastes, most babies settle best to music that is easy listening to your ears. Most babies like classical music with steady tempos and slow rise and fall dynamics, such as Mozart and Vivaldi. Many relax to quieter music such as classical guitar and flute. A music box playing Brahms' lullaby is a time-honored baby settler. Sometimes playing easy-listening music on the stereo all day long would help our babies have more relaxed days (us, too!) A tape player with an auto-reverse function is especially helpful to replay a favorite medley of tunes for an impatient baby who goes to pieces if he must wait for a parent to flip the tape. For frequent nightwakers, use a continuous- play tape recorder. Be sure to choose music that you like listening to, because you're going to hear it over and over again. In general, rock music or any music, which does not have an easily perceived melody, is too turbulent for babies and often aggravates an already tense baby. Other music that may be soothing to your baby includes the music you relaxed to during pregnancy and massage music available from your local massage instructor.
12. Tape recordings of baby's own cry, played at the onset of a fuss, can take baby by surprise and startled him into momentary silence, after which he may forget to fuss.
13. Echo baby's cry. One mother would echo the crying sound back to her baby when he began to cry uncontrollably. Do not do this in a mocking way.
14. The hum and slosh of a washing machine. One desperate mother secured her baby in a car seat and placed him on the floor next to the washing machine.
15. Vibrating to sounds. A desperate father came up with this fuss-buster: He wrapped his cordless shaver (with the cap left on) in a cloth diaper and laid it against baby's tummy. The vibration and the noise put baby to sleep; he would remove the shaver shortly after baby fell asleep. I have made a similar fuss- buster by wrapping a vibrating toothbrush in a diaper and placing it near baby.
16. Other voices. For novelty, sometimes babies are soothed by the songs of another caregiver.

10. 4 SIGHTS THAT DELIGHT

A captivating image can distract some babies in the midst of a crying fit and sidetrack others before they have a chance to howl. Try these:

1. MAGIC MIRROR
   This scene has pulled our babies out of many crying jags. Hold the fussy baby in front of a mirror and let her witness her own drama. Place her hand or barefoot against its image on the mirror surface and watch the intrigued baby grow silent.
2. HAPPY FACES: spend a lot of time in face-to-face contact with your baby, showing baby exaggerated (but pleasant) facial expressions. Remember which facial expressions he likes and replay them later when he fusses. High-need babies demand a lot of connecting experiences, face-to-face and eye- to-eye contact is what they need in order to know they are being heard and seen clearly. All this connecting is why high-need babies grow up to be good communicators that are sensitive to the body language and nonverbal cues of others. They get plenty of practice.
3. SILLY FACE: Give baby a sudden change of face. Put on your silliest or most dramatic facial gestures and direct them at baby. These antics take babies by surprise, causing them (at least temporarily) to forget why they are fussing.
4. MISCELLANEOUS MOVING ATTRACTIONS: Seldom do you have to buy stuff to hush little babies. You'll be amazed what natural baby calmers are all around your home. We've enjoyed placing our babies in front of these natural "visual stimulators:"
   • Ceiling lights or chandeliers
   • The swinging pendulum of a grandfather clock
   • A shower (put baby in an infant seat and let him watch you in the shower)
   • Revolving ceiling fan
   • Aquarium
   • Running water
   • Leaves on trees (place baby in front of a window or on the grass so she can gaze at the leaves swaying in the wind and their moving shadows on the grass).
   • Moving cars; looking at cars zooming past the window
   • Waves on the beach
   • Oscillating metronome
   • Children playing
   • Pets playing
   • Fires in fireplaces
   • The changing images on television

The more interactions you try the better you become at comforting your baby and you'll have some fun along the way. One father tried everything until he discovered his baby would stop fussing when watching a popcorn popper in action.

11. 5 TOUCHES THAT RELAX

1. INFANT MASSAGE High-need babies have tense muscles that need help relaxing. Every baby needs lots of touching. High-need babies (of course!) need more. Infant massage is an enjoyable way to touch and soothe your infant. You can learn the art of infant massage from an infant massage instructor (ask your local childbirth instructor if she can recommend someone). An instructor can be especially helpful if your baby seems to be overstimulated by touch. You can also teach yourself using the instruction manual, Infant Massage: A Handbook for Loving Parents by Vimala Schneider (Bantam Books, 1989). Some very sensitive high-need babies actually pull away from being touched because they find it threatening or over- stimulating. In this case, a routine of careful, gentle touches can gradually accustom this baby to being handled and will help him to eventually enjoy touching.
2. THE WARM FUZZY Here's a high-touch soother where father can really shine. Dads, lie down and drape baby skin- to-skin over your chest, placing baby's ear over your heart. As baby senses the rhythm of your heartbeat plus the up-and-down motion of your breathing, you will feel the tense baby relax. His fists will uncurl and his limbs will dangle limply over your chest. By the time baby becomes three or four months of age, he may squirm and easily roll off your chest. Then try letting your baby nestle against you with the top of his head in your armpit and his tummy resting comfortably against the side of your chest. In this position, baby's ear can still hear your heart beat and sense your steady breathing. Pat his diapered bottom with your free hand to reinforce the calm feeling.
3. NECK NESTLE . Place the baby in the snuggle position and lift him up a bit until his head nestles into your neck and your neck and chin drape over baby's head. You will have found one of the most comforting and calming holding patterns. In the neck nestle dad has a slight edge over mom. Babies hear not only through their ears but also through the vibration of their skull bones. By placing baby's head against your voice box, in the front of your neck, and humming and singing to your baby, the slower, more easily felt vibrations of the lower-pitched male voice often lull baby right to sleep. As you rock and walk with your baby, sing a calming song such as "Old Man River."

   Another attraction to the neck nestle is that baby feels the warming air from your nose on her scalp. (Experienced mothers have long known that sometimes-just breathing onto baby's head or face will calm her. They call this "magic breath.") My babies have enjoyed the neck nestle more than any of the other holding patterns, and I have, too. Dads, become a shareholder in the family art of babywearing.

4. NESTLE NURSING Undress your baby down to a diaper and lie down on the bed together. Curl up womb-like around your baby, face-to-face, tummy-to-tummy, and let the baby nurse. This is especially soothing if mom's clothing allows for lots of skin contact. The natural calming powers of touching, sucking, your breathing and heartbeat, along with gentle strokes from your fingers will relax even the fussiest baby and send her off into peaceful sleep. Martha calls this hold the teddy bear snuggle. .
5. A WARM BATH TOGETHER This one's for mother and baby. Mothers of high-need babies have put in a lot of hours of hydrotherapy because it works! Recline in a half-full tub, and have dad hand baby to you. If you are alone, have baby "stand by" in an infant seat right next to the tub until you are ready to bring her into the tub. Place baby tummy-to-tummy against your chest and let baby breastfeed in the water (your nipples being a couple inches above the surface). Baby is floating a bit while nursing, which adds to the soothing effect. Taking a bath with baby helps to relax mom as well as baby. Leave the faucet running and the tub's drain open a bit. The drip of the warm water not only provides a soothing sound, but also keeps the water comfortably warm.

   Getting the sleeping baby out of the tub is a bit of a challenge. Some babies will stay asleep while they are handed off to someone waiting with a warm, dry towel. Most high-need babies don't sleep through handoffs, however. You may have to plan to just stay in the tub awhile. Have some relaxing music on that you can enjoy. Or have a book handy (this may or may not work depending on the design of your tub). If you really don't want to stay in the tub the whole time baby sleeps, and he doesn't hand off well to someone (or you're alone), plan your strategy for getting both of you out of the tub and resettled on your bed. Have the infant seat next to the tub with the warm, dry towel draped over it. (Try having a hot water bottle there keeping the towel warm until you're ready to place baby on the towel.) If baby wakes up during this transfer, don't despair. Wrap yourself up in your own big, fluffy bath sheet, pick baby up calmly and head for your bed. Snuggle up together with as little fuss as possible and baby may obligingly nurse back off to sleep for you.

A CHECKLIST OF 36 TIME-TESTED BABY-CALMERS

• Wearing baby in a sling
• Dancing with baby
• Swinging baby
• Car rides
• Pushing baby in a carriage
• Taking a walk
• Bouncing on a trampoline
• Nursing while walking with baby
• Draping baby over a beach ball
• Comfort sucking: nursing, pacifiers, sucking on the move
• Music, tapes of womb sounds, heartbeats
• Echo baby's cry
• Tape recordings of baby's own cries
• Tick-tock of clock or pendulum swing of grandfather clock
• Singing lullabies
• Vibrating, humming gadgets wrapped in diaper or blanket
• Running water
• Tape of environmental sounds
• Metronome
• Ceiling fan; bathroom fan
• Sounds of vacuum cleaner, dishwasher, washer-dryer, air conditioner
• Show baby your "silly face"
• Magic mirror
• Fire in fireplace
• Gazing at traffic
• Watching parent on exercise machine
• Watching television or video
• Infant massage
• Warm fuzzy
• Neck nestle
• Nestle nursing
• A warm bath together
• Colic carries
• Eliminating bothersome foods from mother's diet if breastfeeding, or changing formula
• Slowing down mother's lifestyle and changing her expectations
• Creating the most peaceful home environment.

3 REASONS WHY BABIES FUSS

Very simply, babies fuss for the same reasons adults fuss: they hurt either physically or emotionally, or they need something. There is a wide spectrum of types of crying. At the quieter end is the baby who fusses to be picked up but is easily comforted and satisfied as long as he is held. At the other extreme is the baby who hurts – the inconsolably crying baby who merits the label "colicky."

1. FUSSES TO FIT While in the womb, the preborn baby fits perfectly into his environment. Perhaps there will never be another home in which he fits so harmoniously – a free-floating environment where the temperature is constant and his nutritional needs are automatically and predictably met. The womb environment is well organized. These babies miss the womb.

Birth suddenly disrupts this organization. During the month following birth, baby tries to regain his sense of organization and fit into life outside the womb. Birth and adaptation to postnatal life bring out the temperament of the baby, so for the first time he must do something to have his needs met. He is forced to act, to "behave." If hungry, cold, or startled, he cries. He must make an effort to get the things he needs from his caregiving environment. If his needs are simple and he can get what he wants easily, he's labeled an "easy baby"; if he does not adapt readily, he is labeled "difficult." He doesn't fit. Fussy babies are poor fitters, who don't resign themselves easily to the level of care they are being given. They need more, and they fuss to get it.

2. A HIGH-NEED BABY

3. BABY HURTS

7 THINGS PARENTS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BABY'S CRIES

1. An infant's cry – the perfect signal. Scientists have long appreciated that the sound of an infant's cry has all three features of a perfect signal.

• First, a perfect signal is automatic. A newborn cries by reflex. The infant senses a need, which triggers a sudden inspiration of air followed by a forceful expelling of that air through vocal cords, which vibrate to produce the sound we call a cry. In the early months, the tiny infant does not think, "What kind of cry will get me fed?" He just automatically cries. Also, the cry is easily generated. Once his lungs are full of air, the infant can initiate crying with very little effort.
• Second, the cry is appropriately disturbing: ear-piercing enough to get the caregiver's attention and make him or her try to stop the cry, but not so disturbing as to make the listener want to avoid the sound altogether.
• Third, the cry can be modified as both the sender and the listener learn ways to make the signal more precise. Each baby's signal is unique. A baby's cry is a baby's language, and each baby cries differently. Voice researchers call these unique sounds cry prints, which are as unique for babies as their fingerprints are.

2. Responding to baby's cries is biologically correct. A mother is biologically programmed to give a nurturant response to her newborn's cries and not to restrain herself. Fascinating biological changes take place in a mother's body in response to her infant's cry. Upon hearing her baby cry, the blood flow to a mother's breasts increases, accompanied by a biological urge to "pick up and nurse." The act of breastfeeding itself causes a surge in prolactin , a hormone that we feel forms the biological basis of the term "mother's intuition." Oxytocin, the hormone that causes a mother's milk to letdown, brings feelings of relaxation and pleasure; a pleasant release from the tension built up by the baby's cry. These feelings help you love your baby. Mothers, listen to the biological cues of your body when your baby cries rather than to advisors who tell you to turn a deaf ear. These biological happenings explain why it's easy for those advisors to say such a thing. They are not biologically connected to your baby. Nothing happens to their hormones when your baby cries.

3. Ignore or respond to the cry signal? Once you appreciate the special signal value of your baby's cry, the important thing is what you do about it. You have two basic options, ignore or respond. Ignoring your baby's cry is usually a lose-lose situation. A more compliant baby gives up and stops signaling, becomes withdrawn, eventually realizes that crying is not worthwhile, and concludes that he is not worthwhile. The baby loses the motivation to communicate with his parents, and the parents miss out on opportunities to get to know their baby. Everyone loses. A baby with a more persistent personality— most high-need babies—does not give up so easily. Instead, he cries louder and keeps escalating his signal, making it more and more disturbing. You could ignore this persistent signal in several ways. You could wait it out until he stops crying and then pick him up, so that he won't think it was his crying that got your attention. This is actually a type of power struggle; you teach the baby that you're in control, but you also teach him that he has no power to communicate. This shuts down parent-child communication, and in the long run everybody loses.

You could desensitize yourself completely so that you're not "bothered" at all by the cry; this way you can teach baby he only gets responded to when it's "time." This is another lose-lose situation; baby doesn't get what he needs and parents remain stuck in a mindset where they can't enjoy their baby's unique personality. Or, you could pick baby up to calm him but then put him right back down because "it's not time to feed him yet." He has to learn, after all, to be happy "on his own." Lose-lose again; he will start to cry again and you will feel angry. He will learn that his communication cues, though heard, are not responded to, which can lead him to distrust his own perceptions: "Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm not hungry." (See )

4. Be nurturing. Your other option is to give a prompt and nurturant response. This is the win-win way for baby and mother to work out a communication system that helps them both. The mother responds promptly and sensitively so that baby will feel less frantic the next time he needs something. The baby learns to "cry better" , in a less disturbing way since he knows mother will come. Mother structures baby's environment so that there is less need for him to cry; she keeps him close to her if she knows he's tired and ready to sleep. Mother also heightens her sensitivity to the cry so that she gives just the right response. A quick response when baby is young and falls apart easily or when the cry makes it clear there is real danger; a slower response when the baby is older and begins to learn how to settle disturbances on his own.

Responding appropriately to your baby's cry is the first and one of the most difficult, communication challenges you will face as a mother. You will master the system only after rehearsing thousands of cue-responses in the early months. If you initially regard your baby's cry as a signal to be responded to and evaluated rather than as an unfortunate habit to be broken, you will open yourself up to becoming an expert in your baby's signals, which will carry over into becoming an expert on everything about your baby. Each mother-baby signal system is unique. That's why it is so shortsighted for "cry trainers" to prescribe canned cry-response formulas, such as "leave her to cry for five minutes the first night, ten minutes the second," and so on.

5. It's not your fault baby cries. Parents, take heart! If you are responsive to your baby and try to keep him feeling secure in his new world, you need not feel that it's your fault if your baby cries a lot. Nor is it up to you to stop your baby's crying. Of course, you stay open to learning new things to help your baby (like a change in your diet or a new way of wearing baby), and you get your doctor involved if you suspect a physical cause behind the crying. But there will be times when you won't know why your baby is crying—you'll wonder if baby even knows why he's crying. There may be times when baby simply needs to cry, and you needn't feel desperate to make him stop after trying all the usual things.

It's a fact of new parent life that although babies cry to express a need, the style in which they do so is the result of their own temperament. Don't take baby's cries personally. Your job is to create a supportive environment that lessens baby's need to cry, to offer a set of caring and relaxed arms so that baby does not need to cry alone, and to do as much detective work as you can to figure out why your baby is crying and how you can help. The rest is up to baby.

"When I was confused about my mothering, I asked a seasoned calm, impartial mother to observe how I handled my baby on a typical day in my home. Although I know I'm the expert on my own baby, sometimes it's hard to be objective, and a voice of experience can be helpful."

6. What cry research tells us. Researchers Sylvia Bell and Mary Ainsworth performed studies in the 1970's that should have put the spoiling theory on the shelf to spoil forever. (It is interesting that up to that time and even to this day, the infant development writers that preached the cry-it-out advice were nearly always male. It took female researchers to begin to set things straight.) These researchers studied two groups of mother-infant pairs. Group 1 mothers gave a prompt and nurturant response to their infant's cries. Group 2 mothers were more restrained in their response. They found that children in Group 1 whose mothers had given an early and more nurturant response were less likely to use crying as a means of communication at one year of age. These children seemed more securely attached to their mothers and had developed better communicative skills, becoming less whiny and manipulative.

Up until that time parents had been led to believe that if they picked up their baby every time she cried she would never learn to settle herself and would become more demanding. Bell and Ainsworth's research showed the opposite. Babies who developed a secure attachment and had their cues responded to in a prompt and nurturing way became less clingy and demanding. More studies were done to shoot down the spoiling theory, showing that babies whose cries were not promptly responded to begin to cry more, longer, and in a more disturbing way. In one study comparing two groups of crying babies, one group of infants received an immediate, nurturant response to their cries, while the other group was left to cry-it-out. The babies whose cries were sensitively attended to cried seventy percent less. The babies in the cry-it-out group, on the other hand, did not decrease their crying. In essence, crying research has shown that babies whose cries were listened and responded to learned to "cry better"; the infants who were the product of a more restrained style of parenting learned to "cry harder." It is interesting that the studies revealed differences not only in how the babies communicated with the parents based on the response they got to their cries, but there were also differences in the mothers, too. Studies showed that mothers who gave a more restrained and less nurturant response gradually became more insensitive to their baby's cries, and this insensitivity carried over to other aspects of their parent-child relationship. Research showed that leaving baby to cry-it- out spoils the whole family.

7. Crying isn't "good for baby's lungs." One of the most ridiculous pieces of medical folklore is the dictum: "Let baby cry, it's good for his lungs." In the late 1970's, research showed that babies who were left to cry had heart rates that reached worrisome levels, and lowered oxygen levels in their blood. When these infants' cries were soothed, their cardiovascular system rapidly returned to normal, showing how quickly babies recognize the status of well being on a physiologic level. When a baby's cries are not soothed, he remains in physiologic as well as psychological distress.

The erroneous belief about the healthfulness of crying survives even today in one of the scales of the Apgar score, a sort of test that physicians use to rapidly assess a newborn's condition in the first few minutes after birth. Babies get an extra two points for "crying lustily." I remember pondering this concept back in the mid 1970's when I was the director of a newborn nursery in a university hospital, even before fathering a high-need baby had turned me into an opponent of crying it out. It seemed to me that awarding points for crying made no sense physiologically. The newborn who was in the state of quiet alertness, breathing normally, and actually pinker than the crying infant lost points on the Apgar score. It still amazes me that the most intriguing of all human sounds—the infant's cry—is still so misunderstood.

LETTING BABY "CRY-IT-OUT" YES, NO!

If only my baby could talk instead of cry I would know what she wants," said Janet, a new mother of a fussy baby. "Your baby can talk," we advised. "The key is for you to learn how to listen. When you learn the special language of your baby's cry, you will be able to respond sensitively. Here are some listening tips that will help you discover what your baby is trying to say when he cries.

The cry is not just a sound; it's a signal – designed for the survival of the baby and development of the parents. By not responding to the cry, babies and parents lose. Here's why. In the early months of life, babies cannot verbalize their needs. To fill in the gap until the child is able to "speak our language," babies have a unique language called "crying." Baby senses a need, such as hunger for food or the need to be comforted when upset, and this need triggers a sound we call a cry. Baby does not ponder in his little mind, "It's 3:00 a.m. and I think I'll wake up mommy for a little snack." No! That faulty reasoning is placing an adult interpretation on a tiny infant. Also, babies do not have the mental acuity to figure out why a parent would respond to their cries at three in the afternoon, but not at three in the morning. The newborn who cries is saying: "I need something; something is not right here. Please make it right."

At the top of the list of unhelpful advice – one that every new parent is bound to hear – is "Let your baby cry-it-out." To see how unwise and unhelpful is this advice, let's analyze each word in this mother-baby connection- interfering phrase.

"Let your baby." Some third-party advisor who has no biological connection to your baby, no knowledge or investment in your baby, and isn't even there at 3:00 a.m. when your baby cries, has the nerve to pontificate to you how to respond to your baby's cries.

The cry is a marvelous design. Consider what might happen if the infant didn't cry. He's hungry, but doesn't awaken ("He sleeps through the night," brags the parent of a sleep-trained baby). He hurts, but doesn't let anyone know. The result of this lack of communication is known, ultimately, as "failure to thrive." "Thriving" means not only getting bigger, but growing to your full potential emotionally, physically, and intellectually.

"Cry…" Not only is the cry a wonderful design for babies; it is a useful divine design for parents, especially the mother. When a mother hears her baby cry, the blood flow to her breasts increases, accompanied by the biological urge to "pick up and nurse" her baby. ("Nurse" means comforting, not just breastfeeding.) As an added biological perk, the maternal hormones released when baby nurses relax the mother, so she gives a less tense and more nurturing response to her infant's needs. These biological changes – part of the design of the mother-baby communication network – explain why it's easy for someone else to advise you to let your baby cry, but difficult for you to do. That counterproductive advice is not biologically correct.

"It…" Consider what exactly is the "it" in "cry-it-out": an annoying habit? Unlikely, since babies don't enjoy crying. And, contrary to popular thought, crying is not "good for baby's lungs." That belief is not physiologically correct. The "it" is an emotional or physical need. Something is not right and the only way baby has of telling us this is to cry, pleading with us to make it right. Early on, consider baby's cry as signaling a need – communication rather than manipulation.

Parent tip: Babies cry to communicate – not manipulate

"Out" What actually goes "out" of a baby, parents, and the relationship when a baby is left to cry-it-out? Since the cry is a baby's language, a communication tool, a baby has two choices if no one listens. Either he can cry louder, harder, and produce a more disturbing signal or he can clam up and become a "good baby" (meaning "quiet"). If no one listens, he will become a very discouraged baby. He'll learn the one thing you don't want him to: that he can't communicate.

Baby loses trust in the signal value of his cry – and perhaps baby also loses trust in the responsiveness of his caregivers. Not only does something vital go "out" of baby, an important ingredient in the parent- child relationship goes "out" of parents: sensitivity. When you respond intuitively to your infant's needs, as you practice this cue- response listening skill hundreds of times in the early months, baby learns to cue better (the cries take on a less disturbing and more communicative quality as baby learns to "talk better"). On the flip side of the mother-infant communication, you learn to read your infant's cries and respond appropriately (meaning when to say "yes" and when to say "no," and how fast). In time you learn the ultimate in crying sensitivity: to read baby's body language and respond to her pre-cry signals so baby doesn't always have to cry to communicate her needs.

What happens if you "harden your heart," view the cry as a control rather than a communication tool and turn a deaf ear to baby's cries? When you go against your basic biology, you desensitize yourself to your baby's signals and your instinctive responses. Eventually, the cry doesn't bother you. You lose trust in your baby's signals, and you lose trust in your ability to understand baby's primitive language. A distance develops between you and your baby and you run the risk of becoming what pediatricians refer to as a doctor-tell-me-what-to-do. You listen to a book instead of your baby. So, not listening and responding sensitively to baby's cries is a lose-lose situation: Baby loses trust in caregivers and caregivers lose trust in their own sensitivity.

Mother loses trust in herself. To illustrate how a mother can weaken her God- given sensitivity when she lets herself be less discerning about parenting advice; a sensitive veteran mother recently shared this story with us:

"I went to visit my friend who just had a baby. While we were talking, her three-week-old started crying in another room. The baby kept crying, harder and louder. I was getting increasingly driven to go comfort the baby. Her baby's cries didn't bother her, but they bothered me. My breasts almost started to leak milk! Yet, my friend seemed oblivious to her baby's signals. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and I said, 'It's okay, go attend to your baby. We can talk later.' Matter-of-factly she replied, 'No, it's not time yet for his feeding.' Incredulous, I asked, 'Mary, where on earth did you get that harmful advice?' 'From a baby-training class at church,' she proudly insisted. 'I want my baby to learn I'm in control, not him.'"

This novice mother, wanting to do the best for her baby and believing she was being a good mother, had allowed herself to succumb to uncredentialed prophets of bad parenting advice and was losing her God-given sensitivity to her baby. She was starting her parenting career with a distance developing between her and her baby. The pair was becoming disconnected.

4 WAYS TO TEACH YOUR BABY TO CRY BETTER

Here are some time-tested listening tips that can help you decode the meaning of your baby's cries, respond nurturantly, and gradually create a communication relationship so that baby doesn't always have to cry to communicate:

1. View your baby's cries as a communication rather than a manipulation tool. Think of your baby's cries as a signal to be listened to and interpreted rather than click into a fear of spoiling or fear of being controlled mindset.

2. Better early than late. New parents may be led to believe that the more they delay their response to baby's cries, the less baby will cry. While this may be true of some easy, mellow babies (they become apathetic), infants with persistent personalities will only cry harder and in a more disturbing way. Learn to read your baby's pre-cry signals: anxious facial expressions, arms flailing, excited breathing, etc. Responding to these pick-me-up signals teaches baby that he doesn't have to cry to get attended to. Again, forget the fear of spoiling. Studies have shown that babies whose cries are promptly attended to actually learn to cry less as older infants and toddlers.

3. Respond appropriately. You don't have to pick up a seven-month-old baby as quickly as a seven-day-old baby. In the early weeks of cue-response rehearsals, respond intuitively and quickly to each cry. As you and your baby become better communicators, you – and only you – will know whether a cry is a "red alert come now" cry or one that merits a more delayed response.

Learn that magic cry-response word appropriately, which implies balance – knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no." In fact, you will naturally start off as a "yes mom," then intuitively become appropriately a "yes and no" mom. When in doubt, say "yes." It's much easier to fix over-responding – you just back off a bit. It's more difficult to repair the distrust that stems from under-responding and becoming disconnected.

4. Try the Caribbean approach. A system we have developed to model calmness to a baby is one we dubbed the Caribbean attitude: "No problem, mon!" Imagine your seven-month-old baby playing at your feet and you're on the phone. Baby starts to fuss and give pick-me-up gestures. Instead of dropping the phone and anxiously scooping up fussing baby, put on your happy face, caringly acknowledge baby and make voice contact, "It's okay, Molly…" In this way, your body language is reflecting, "No problem, baby; no need to fuss." Another favorite phrase in the Caribbean is "don't worry, be happy." By your body language, convey to your baby – be happy, not fussy.

THE SHUTDOWN SYNDROME

Throughout our 30 years of working with parents and babies, we have grown to appreciate the correlation between how well children thrive (emotionally and physically) and the style of parenting they receive.

"You're spoiling that baby!" First-time parents Linda and Norm brought their four-month-old high-need baby, Heather, into my office for consultation because Heather had stopped growing. Heather had previously been a happy baby, thriving on a full dose of attachment parenting. She was carried many hours a day in a baby sling, her cries were given a prompt and nurturant response, she was breastfed on cue, and she was literally in physical touch with one of her parents most of the day. The whole family was thriving and this style of parenting was working for them. Well-meaning friends convinced these parents that they were spoiling their baby, that she was manipulating them, and that Heather would grow up to be a clingy, dependent child.

Parents lost trust. Like many first-time parents, Norm and Linda lost confidence in what they were doing and yielded to the peer pressure of adopting a more restrained and distant style of parenting. They let Heather cry herself to sleep, scheduled her feedings, and for fear of spoiling, they didn't carry her as much. Over the next two months Heather went from being happy and interactive to sad and withdrawn. Her weight leveled off, and she went from the top of the growth chart to the bottom. Heather was no longer thriving, and neither were her parents.

Baby lost trust. After two months of no growth, Heather was labeled by her doctor "failure to thrive" and was about to undergo an extensive medical exam. When the parents consulted me, I diagnosed the shutdown syndrome. I explained that Heather had been thriving because of their responsive style of parenting. Because of their parenting, Heather had trusted that her needs would be met and her overall physiology had been organized. In thinking they were doing the best for their infant, these parents let themselves be persuaded into another style of parenting. They unknowingly pulled the attachment plug on Heather, and the connection that had caused her to thrive was gone. A sort of baby depression resulted, and her physiologic systems slowed down. I advised the parents to return to their previous high-touch, attachment style of parenting—to carry her a lot, breastfeed on cue, and respond sensitively to her cries by day and night. Within a month Heather was again thriving.

Babies thrive when nurtured. We believe every baby has a critical level of need for touch and nurturing in order to thrive. (Thriving means not just getting bigger, but growing to one's potential, physically and emotionally.) We believe that babies have the ability to teach their parents what level of parenting they need. It's up to the parents to listen, and it's up to professionals to support the parents' confidence and not undermine it by advising a more distant style of parenting, such as "let your baby cry-it-out" or "you've got to put him down more." Only the baby knows his or her level of need; and the parents are the ones that are best able to read their baby's language.

Babies who are "trained" not to express their needs may appear to be docile, compliant, or "good" babies. Yet, these babies could be depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs. They may become children who don't speak up to get their needs met and eventually become the highest-need adults.

8 DANCE STEPS WITH YOUR BABY

Here are the dance routines that worked best for us. Try these, but remember that the key to baby dancing is improvising.

1. The swing. Hold your partner in the neck nestle or chest snuggle position and sway from side-to-side with as much movement as baby likes. This side-to-side swaying motion is the most natural dance step for parents.

2. The dip. This step is a variation of the swing. Bend your knees and then in a swaying motion come back up slowly and repeat the motion.

3. The baby hop. This hop is the kind you do by bending your knees as you lift first one foot off the floor slightly, then the other foot. You do a hopping motion on the foot that's bearing your weight. (Your feet don't actually leave the ground.) Count "one-two" (left foot) then "three-four" (right foot) as you alternate. Sway from side to side as you alternate feet. To put more bounce in your hop, come up on your toes, if baby likes that.

4. The baby bounce. Hold baby face-to-face with one hand under her bottom and the other supporting her neck. Bounce gently up and down at a rate of 60 to70 beats per minute using your arms and/or legs. Look at the baby and make eye contact. Another variation is to place baby in this dance hold and bounce gently on a trampoline or while sitting on a physio ball. Some babies like to bounce more vigorously than others do, so experiment. Often the higher the need, the harder the bounce. The baby needs you to match her energy level. But be wary of using too much force. This dance should never be an excuse to punish the baby. If baby's cries continue as you bounce harder, you could find yourself growing angry and bouncing hard enough to hurt baby. This would be like shaking baby . Stop bouncing, cool down, and try something else.

5. The rock. This is a simple back-and-forth movement as you bend at the waist (and knees, too, if you have the energy). Once you've got the hang of it, you can coordinate this motion with swaying side-to-side.

6. The waltz. One of our favorites (and babies' too), this step is simply a slide and glide movement as you go up on the toe of one foot, then glide the other foot forward to meet it. If you've never learned to waltz, you might want to add some music to help you get the rhythm. A simplified up-and-down version that you can do by taking exaggerated steps while walking, we have dubbed the "elevator step." Add some sways and dips and you have movement in all three places of the baby's vestibular system.

7. The tango. Most babies prefer smooth dances, yet for some fussy infants the abrupt stops, starts, and changes in direction of the tango catch them by surprise and distract them from fussing.

8. The twirl. While most of your dances will be in the three calming directions of up and down, back and forth, and side to side, some babies appreciate the addition of a twirl to your dance routine. Twirl 180 degrees and come to an abrupt stop. A baby who is in full wail usually has his eyes squeezed shut. This abrupt stop will cause him to open his eyes. If you can make eye contact with him right away and keep moving, he'll probably abandon his wailing and watch you, at least momentarily.

6 WAYS TO MAKE BABY-DANCING FUN

In baby dancing, style is as important as getting the steps right. Here are some tips that can make dancing with your baby more comforting and more fun.

1. Hold your partner. Cling to your little partner in whatever position works. Try the neck nestle, warm fuzzy, colic carries, shoulder drape, forward-facing hold, elbow rest, hip carry, or shoulder ride. During the first three to four months be sure to support your partner's wobbly, weighty head. 2. Choose the right rhythm. How fast to dance? Remember, while in the womb your baby was used to the rhythm of your pulse, usually around 60 to 70 beats per minute. Try to rock and swing to this rhythm, approximately one beat per second, "one and a two and a..." The volume, tempo, and type of music may change with your baby's mood, and yours. Baby's womb environment is actually quite loud, so don't be surprised if your baby prefers big band sounds. 3. Choose light dancing. Select a dance that you like, one that suits your mood and energy level, lest the dancer wear out before the fusser. One rainy night Lauren, our youngest, could not give herself up to sleep. Martha wracked her brain for what to do next when inspiration came from the weather. She started singing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" (from the old movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid) and did a very jazzy dance step to match the jazzy tune. Lauren soon forgot she was resisting, relaxed into the fun, and nodded off before long. This winning tune got replayed and danced for many a night thereafter. Martha looked forward to it as a fun way to lull Lauren into Dreamland. 4. Use props. To keep your arms from wearing out before your legs, nestle baby in a sling as you dance. 5. Dinner dance. Some babies love to breastfeed in the sling while you dance. Your movement plus baby's sucking is a winning combination for settling even the most upset baby. Change partners. Babies usually prefer dancing with mother, after all, she's the dance partner baby came to know even before birth. It's as if baby says to the mother, "I like your style." This also explains why some fathers get frustrated when they try to cut in, offering some relief to worn-out dancer mom. Sometimes babies vehemently protest this change in partners, and father hands baby back to mother saying, "You take her, I give up." Yet many high-need babies like a change in routine and welcome dad's different holds and steps. And don't forget to invite grandmother to the dance. She has patient and experienced arms and can probably show baby some pretty fancy stepping from her days as a baby dancer.

COMFORTING THE GASSY BABY

Swallowing air and passing gas is a normal part of growing up. But excessive intestinal gas can make a young baby miserable. A mother of one of my gassy little patients describes these bloated episodes: "When my daughter is trying to pass gas, it is like a mother going through a difficult labor." Try these ways of getting the air out.

Letting Less Air InGetting More Air Out

If breastfeeding, be sure baby's lips form a good seal far back on the areola. If bottlefeeding, be sure baby's lips are positioned on the wide base of the nipple, not just on the tip. Tilt the bottle at a thirty-to-forty-degree angle while feeding so that air rises to the bottom of the bottle; or try collapsible formula bags. Eliminate fuss foods from your diet if breastfeeding Feed baby smaller volumes more frequently Keep baby upright (at about a forty-five-degree angle) during and for a half-hour after a feeding. Avoid prolonged sucking on pacifiers or empty bottle nipples. Respond promptly to a baby's cries. First and foremost, be sure to burp baby during and after feedings. You can also try the following techniques and remedies for more about these): abdominal massage baby bends simethicone drops glycerin suppositories tummy rolls